Exactly 4 weeks in and I accomplished a whopping 1 pound loss this week. Not really happy but frankly not completely bummed. (Which is unusual for me at this stage of the game to be truthful) I didn’t hit any of my goals that I set for myself. I did not stay on my daily meditation, I did not keep up with the nightly planning homework for my time management that I’d given myself. I did not exercise 5 days this week, I actually went “over” on my calories week. So have I motivated you yet???
So why am I not suffering from a pit in my stomach? And why am I not hearing a voice in my head saying: “You are never gonna’ do this?!!” or “What is wrong with you!”….(this inner voice would have a whiny and self loathing tone too). Could I actually be evolving? No way! really?
I will say that my initial reads in ‘WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE’, by Jon Kabat-Zinn have maybe made a small impact. I’d highlighted a few things from the introduction of that book that seemed to really hit home with me. (See! I’ve actually become a highlighter..that’s something right there :))
“..we usually fall, quite unaware, into assuming that what we are thinking —the ideas and opinions that we harbor at any given time –are “the truth” about what is “out there” in the world and “in here” in our minds. Most of the time it just isn’t so”
he goes on:
“…we lock ourselves into personal fiction that we already know who we are and where we are going, that we knew what is happening—all the while remaining enshrouded in thoughts, fantasies, and impulses, mostly about the past, and about the future and what we want in life and what we fear and don’t like which spin out continuously, veiling our direction and the very ground we are standing on”.
So what I gained from this insight is that I need to be in this moment and learn from it, live it and not let it influence in a negative way, with a knee jerk reaction to what ever I see as bad or “not in the script”. There is no script. That is his point.
So of course the goal of the book is for the reader to realize that with learning how to “still their mind through meditation” they will discover that peace and satisfaction is something that we carry within ourselves. I’m still in the early stages of any successful meditation…but Ill keep you posted.
One quote I loved from this book, that is meant to remind us that meditation does not make the stresses, and ups and downs of daily life go away, but gives us the ability to live with them without strife and judgment: “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf on them”. I liked that.
I did some surfing this week. I took my eight year old daughter’s pet mouse to the veterinarian yesterday. No, you did not read that wrong. Thinking that the little white mouse named Bartram would likely have expired by now…..from the impact of what appeared to me to be some sort of mouse heart attack or stroke…we were now three weeks into watching this poor little creature breath heavily and stumble around her little wood shavings filled aquarium. Mind you, this is a $2.99 mouse that is supposed to live about 18-30 months ( Bartram is likely 14 months or so…), but I just don’t have it in me to snuff out a mouse whose name I know.
So $72 dollars later, I’m at the veterinarian’s office watching a grown man listen to the mouse’s heart with a stethoscope. ( see actual photo of true life ER action below)Diagnosis: heart disease or a lung infection. Either way Bartram is on her last little mouse legs.
SO this when I started to climb on to my surfboard:
The good thing, is if it is a lung infection then the medicine we need to give Bartram TWICE a day will make her better and she will live out her mouse life to the ripe old age of another 4-12 months; the bad thing is unfortunately the stress of giving the medicine to the mouse each day may kill it in the ironic circumstance of it having a heart attack while being given life saving medication; the good thing is we will know in three days if the medicine is working..if she does not respond then we will take her back to be “put to into forever mouse sleep”; the bad thing is even if the medicine works for Bartram…in the inevitable good luck that I have with timing, we will need to kennel the mouse (yes, I did say ‘kennel the mouse’) at the vets because we are going out of town for several days.
So…although I’m being kind of glib and funny here….it is terrible because of course my daughter is upset….and frankly I paid enough to the veterinarian for that visit alone to have purchased 2 dozen more little white mice. But my point is: I surfed on the waves, looked at it as a lesson of inevitable loss for my daughter to experience and learn from. I did not question what we should do….or how we should handle it…I just went with it as there is likely no right or wrong. ( for those animal lovers out there..I’ll keep you posted re: Bartram’s recovery/fate)
In the end, with all of the unmet goals for me this week, the Bartram tragedy, and how good I actually feel right now…I guess this is a good week because in some small way I’ve evolved. Learning is just as important as losing at this stage of the game.
Enjoy the rest for your weekend. and Happy Fathers Day to all you Dads!
Daddy – I miss you. Thank you for always reminding me to “be happy and glad!” .